Written last January 27, 2023
“This never fails to make me smile, Lord.”
I received my copy today of Feast Mag 2023. Not one but two! I was eating pork sinigang when all of a sudden a loud knock came to our doorstep. From the tone of voice of the delivery man, I said, “This could be it!” Our maid who was ironing clothes in our garage called out to me.
I went out and there it was a copy of Feast magazine all right! As I received it, I noticed that it was a bit thick, Oh, maybe they sent Reg’s copy to me as well by mistake anyway I’ll just send it to her. Reg was my friend whom I interviewed for the article. As I went back inside our home, I looked at the cover page from the packaging’s transparent plastic and saw that the cover looked different. Oh, maybe there’s a freebie magazine from a past issue?
I excitedly opened it tearing off the plastic trying to get the two magazines out of a small hole. I tore the plastic one more time and took each one out. I screamed, “It’s Jan and Feb!” They already have both of my writings!
I just felt so kilig (mushy) once again.
I thought about my hardships on how to make each story come alive per magazine. I thought of the many starvation seasons and word killings that I need to cry on and now finally I’m holding it in my hands.
It always feels like the first time. The very words that I would often say whenever I attend the Feast. It’s the charismatic community that I attend. Mixed emotions suddenly overflowed in me. All I knew is that I feel complete and grateful. I excitedly browsed through the pages of each magazine and felt happy to see the stories of the people I interviewed and disturbed.
What also added more to the kilig (mushiness) were the thoughts that came into my head where God really waited for me to come down from my room and get the delivery myself. I normally rest from work around 2:00pm and take my lunch break.
The timing is just cute because my parents left a few minutes ago to go to the barangay nearby and get a sticker for our car.
As I held the magazine into my hands, I like to imagine Jesus smiling at me. Watching my every move. It reminded me of the verse from Psalm 139:1-3 where it said, “Lord, you have probed me, you know me: you know when I sit and stand; you understand my thoughts from afar. My travels and my rest you mark; with all my ways you are familiar.”
It felt like a surprise.
It’s like Jesus was monitoring me when I will go down from my room. It made me imagine that when I stood up and reached the landing of the stairs, I was wearing a long balloon gown with scalloped ribbons decorated all around the sides as my long hair swayed when I turned to the right. Jesus talked on his handheld radio and it’s like he signaled his angels, “She’s going down! My mahal ko is going down!” (loved one), “We need to have that delivered now!”
I imagined myself like God’s princess gracefully walking down from my beautiful chamber.
As I innocently walked down the stairs with my long beautiful balloon gown brushing on the wooden steps little did I know that my Lord, my prince has a surprise for me. (In reality, I was rushing down the stairs not like a finesse and elegant woman but like a man who wants to munch on his meal right away)
Finally, when I took my royal seat and started eating, I almost choked when I heard the delivery man knock on our gate.
That was the beautiful consolation that God sent me through my thoughts. A princess receiving gifts from her lover.
As I held the magazines tightly in my hands and looked at the articles one by one, I smiled and felt teary-eyed as I bowed down my head, and made a creaking whisper which was more of like a squeak to Jesus saying, “Mahal ko, ang galing mo.” (Beloved, you are great.)